It has been a while since I have gotten any direct messages from my guides. It has almost felt as if I had been abandoned, though I know this is never the case. The entourage of 10 or 12 assistants/guides that have been with me since before December 12th recently dwindled back down to my normal 4, or my Team as I call them. Last night, however, the number increased back to 10. So, I suppose it should not have been a surprise that a message came soon after.

Becoming a Man

I had some odd dreams again and feel the need to include them since they came before the messages I received.

The first dream I recall is being with a tall, strong man. I don’t remember what he looked like, just the way he felt. His energy felt very large compared to mine and it surrounded me protectively, almost like a parent keeping an eye on their child.

We were talking about my need to pass as a man and I was being directed to pick out appropriate clothing at a store. I selected a large sweatshirt and jeans but when I put them on they were way too big. This I knew would be the case and I told my guide, “I told you they would be too big”. I then selected a medium sized shirt and pants and the same occurred. I remember thinking there was no way I would pass as a man. I was just too small. I told my guide that even a mens size small would be large on me. I never did try on the smallest size but instead thought about how tiny my female frame was and how difficult it would be to pass as a man.


The next dream I had was of being in Montana. Initially, I was in a store with my son. He had just woken up and was very hungry and grumpy. I walked along the isles looking specifically for an Odwalla drink, the green one, but I could not find one. Eventually I asked for help and the lady began to look up the drink on the computer while he associate gave my son a tiny pizza to make him happy. I accidentally dropped the pizza on the floor and picked it up while thanking the man. I never did get my drink.

When we left we traveled a wide dirt road. We encountered a group of men and one was carrying over the top of his head a large cow. It was wrapped up and huge and I remarked how I could never carry a cow that large but that I had cow tied one when I was small. Another man was there and took an interest, inquiring about where I was from. He was tall with blond hair and a rugged appearance.

He walked with me toward our land through the mountain passage. Somehow we ended up in his house. I became uncomfortable because I knew he was trying to distract me from going home. He took me into a room and asked me how I liked the house. I told him it was nice but I needed to get home. He then came closer and began to kiss me. I recall that he had slobbery kisses and the taste was not pleasant. I withdrew frommountain lake him pointing to my daughter who was sleeping in my arms (she is six so she was very big and I was holding her). He accepted this excuse but I was very uncomfortable by then and just wanted to get home.

Another man was there and they both questioned me about where we lived. I described it and they got out a map asking me to show where it was. I explained the property had been subdivided and showed where it was. The blonde man called to inquire about it and I remember him saying, “No, we are 1 and 2 not 3”. I recall wondering what he was talking about and recalling that our land was not in Montana but much farther south. I then asked my Mom, who was suddenly there with me, if she remembered the exit to our land. She nodded and said she did and I saw it in my mind, a tiny side road hidden in brush along the main route.

Disassembling Skeletons

I immediately found myself in a dream where I was standing in front of large animal skeletons. My job was to disassemble them. I took apart large bones, realizing they were cow bones or bones of a similar large animal. After I took off a bone I placed it in a simple white bag to be stored. I noticed that some of the bones had metal loops and screws in them where they were connected.

Symbolism of the above dreams:

Cow – symbolizes one’s docile nature; maternal instincts. The cow was bound in one dream suggesting a rejection of these qualities in myself. The bones of a cow suggest a lack of motherly emotions.

Shopping – represents one’s needs and desires. There is a selection process going on – choices being made or inspected.

Property – symbolizes feeling unstable in life; can also represent one’s current status in life. Since the property was broken up it may represent my feeling of being broken up in life.

Montana/mountains – represent determination and ambition as well as the higher spiritual realms. For me, I have actually lived in Montana so there may still remain some aspects from that time in my life that need to be addressed.


Upon waking from the last dream I saw in front of me a message being written. It was in glowing green letters and moved as if someone were writing it as I was reading it. It read:

“……has been cancelled……..”.

There was more to the sentence but I cannot remember the beginning or the end. The words disappeared as I recognized the word cancelled. I immediately wondered what it meant. I asked but received no answer. I understood it to mean that some plan or karmic debt had been cancelled or erased. I would no longer be addressing it in this life.

It appears that again some changes have been made to my plan. I did not feel good or bad with the receiving of this information. If anything, I felt a bit concerned. I asked if it meant my transformation would end. I was told, “No”, very firmly.

I fell back into the in-between state and found myself speaking to my guide. I got the same strong, protective and large feeling from his energy. He was standing and passing out something. He handed over to me a parcel of land. I saw a chunk of land broken off from a large piece and then it was passed over to me. It reminded me of a board game. The land was brown and two dimensional. Then gave me a set of golden keys. He said to me, “We will be here to help you”.

I immediately came out of my revere wondering what it meant. Why was he giving me keys to land? Was I going to get land? A house? I immediately thought it must be symbolic.

The symbolism of being given property and the feeling it gave me when I saw it was that a big change would occur in my life, one that separated me from my family in some way. The keys that come with it are gold and the symbolic meaning of this is that I will need to be adaptable to the changes but they will bring with them new opportunity and possibilities related to wealth and status.

I also heard the song Riptide by Vance Joy but only this part:

I just wanna, I just wanna know
If you’re gonna, if you’re gonna stay
I just gotta, I just gotta know
I can’t have it, I can’t have it any other way

Except I was singing the lyrics differently in my head. I was saying, “I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna go. I just wanna, I just wanna stay”. I was hearing this more than singing it and it hung around in my head until I got out of bed.


I went to bed last night feeling very odd. I have been feeling it a lot lately. I am having trouble seeing my life ahead. There is nothing there. No plans. No change. No feeling. I feel done with life and I don’t look forward to much of anything anymore. The same feeling of not enjoying anything that I use to enjoy has come back and it bothers me. I can’t seem to change it, either. So I asked for help. I guess that is why I got those messages. I am receiving that help, was told as much, but there is so much information missing. I just hope it is not anything bad. I don’t think I can handle anything bad. I need good things to happen now, not bad things.


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