My guide/Higher Self told me that most of the merging “work” we are doing together is to be done at night. So far, every night since the 12th I have in fact had some kind of energy sensation within my dreams. Additionally, I have very in-depth, issue resolving dreams. Last night was no different.
Dreams of Family
I slept very deeply last night and forgot most of my dreams. I remembered enough, however, to know that we had been discussing the subject of family, responsibility to family and enjoyment of life. The last dream I recall was sitting in the passenger seat of a small car with my husband behind the wheel. He was not paying attention and side-swiped another vehicle and then sped off without stopping to exchange insurance. When I questioned him about it he said, “Our insurance will take care of it. It was our fault anyway”. His concern level was near zero and that bothered me. How could he be so irresponsible? That was so unlike him.
I awoke from the dream upset and not wanting to continue on this “ascension”, “merging”, whatever-you-call-it, transformation any further. I felt such a loss for some reason and did not want to continue on in life either. I asked my guide/Higher Self, “Why can’t we just drop this body? I know once we do we will merge. It is much faster that way”. I got a feeling in return that I knew better. The point of this life is not ascension, it is the experience – the transcendence. Ahhh! It made me just want to scream because 1. It was not what I wanted to hear and 2. He was right and I knew it.
The point of this life is not ascension, it is the experience – the transcendence.
I actually was just given this statement as I typed this. It was/is a great surprise to me – always – the words and sentences that sometimes come out of me. I myself, would not use such a word. In fact, I am only familiar with it from my Osho Tarot deck which is called “the transcendental game of Zen”. I have also heard the word used along with meditation, as in transcendental meditation. But all this time I never really thought much about the word. I knew it meant to “rise above” or “go beyond” but the actual definition is: 1. a. exceeding usual limits; b. extending or lying beyond the limits of ordinary experience. 2. being beyond comprehension. 3.transcending the universe or material existence.
This is all news to me – or at least to the Earth me anyway. It gives me a better idea of why I am here, at least. It helps me to better understand why I was not led to the term “ascension” until just recently. Why, this entire time, I was left to figure out the process on my own, with the help of my guide/Higher Self and assistants (which are numerous). It is not the label or the word that is important – it is the experience of going beyond the usual that has been my path for so many lives. It is breaking the surface of the water, taking a huge breath and opening my eyes to whole new world.
Let the Eagle Fly
I fell back to sleep not long after and had another odd dream. In this one I was watching my baby move a walker with his toes almost like a bicycle. He was pushing on tiny pedals and I was instructing him. He fell over and I was unconcerned and just told him to be more careful.
I then sat down and remember thinking that I needed to feel pleasure in life again. I reached to my right shoulder and put my hand over another hand. It was as if I knew there was someone there. I felt the hand as solid as my own but it was gloved and I could feel the fibers of the mitten the covered it. I pulled on the hand as I sent the intent to my silent companion to help me feel pleasure. I then felt a disembodied face attached to a disembodied head above the hand I had been touching. I pulled the head forward and sought out the mouth, first running into the eyes and chin. I recognized the head was upside down and a part of me was curious as to why there was no body, but I seemed to know this was my own creation.
My goal here was to activate my lower chakras and achieve the feeling of passion and overwhelming bliss that I knew was possible. I remember then that my root chakra activated but as the energy moved upward the second chakra expanded outward in a burst of energy that soon dulled and went out. I remember feeling disappointed and understanding I still had work to do. I then began to write a note to myself as I tried again to activate the second chakra.
“I’m going to let the eagle fly” I wrote. Then I read it back to myself, “Let the eagle fly”. And this caused me to giggle a little bit.
I felt a surge in my second chakra again and I acknowledged my guide/Higher Self and his assistance. But again the energy did not move but extinguished and became a dull pain in my right side. This, too, stopped very quickly and with that I awoke.
Since I was unsure what exactly the 2nd chakra is all about, I had to also search for information about it. I recognized that it coincided with relationships in life, and that made sense to me, especially since I had been dreaming about family all night. However, the 2nd chakra is the passion and pleasure center, so it is much more than just relationships.
According to chakra-anatomy.com:
The gift of this chakra is experiencing our lives through feelings and sensations. The second chakra is the centre of feeling, emotion, pleasure, sensuality, intimacy, and connection.
The energy of this chakra allows you to let go, to move, and to feel change and transformation occurring within your body. It allows you to experience this moment as it is, in its own fullness.
The main challenge for the second chakra is the conditioning of our society. We live in a society where feelings are not valued, where passion, and emotional reactions are being frowned upon. We are being taught not to “loose control”. And we get disconnected from our bodies, our feelings.
The element of this chakra is water. And as I type this, I recall that I had a dream about water last night. In the dream, I looked out over a shallow sea. There were rocks beneath that surface that were visible and the water was crystal clear and still. It reminded me of a surreal scene from the Arctic or some other northern region. I looked across it and beyond and when I did, I recognized that there was emotion there that was ready to be experienced. Yet I did not walk into it. I thought, “I am not ready yet”.
And I am left with questions about why I am so reluctant to feel again; to allow myself pleasure and enjoyment of life. Perhaps it is because with pleasure comes pain? Am I trying to avoid pain by numbing myself of all that life has to offer? This makes sense and it makes me sad. I honestly do not know how to handle this problem. No wonder I felt so defeated when I woke up this morning.
I recognize also that the second chakra is about letting go. Surprise, surprise! The message I get most often is to “let go”. Now I know why I seem to never be able to. There are issues to be cleared here and that is what I/we are doing now. As my guide/Higher Self said to me the other day, “There is no progress without process”.
Let the eagle fly. It can only mean to me that I must release myself, my inner Spirit, from whatever constraints I have created. Let myself soar. Free myself from myself. If only it were that simple.