Today, after struggling horribly this morning with a most unsettling energy that made me shiver all over from the intensity of it, I followed the advice of my guide and left the house and the computer behind. While in my car the energy was hitting my head and my whole body was near convulsions as I tried to drive. I hit a stop light and had to calm myself as the thought hit me that I may pass out. I even began to sense the darkness entering my vision from the sides. I remembered to breathe and focus on my heart and by the time I reached my destination I was feeling better.
I spent the entire day out and about, most of it outside. I even took a walk with my husband and went to the playground with my children. As the day progressed I found myself noticing people that I normally would not notice. There was a man in the grocery store having a conversation on a cell phone. I couldn’t help but overhear what he was saying. He was from out of town and had no money, his debit card was broken and he could not reach his sister to get help. I passed him several times and wanted to stop and ask him, “How can I help?” There was an urge to do this but I resisted, thinking, “What if he is lying?” or “He will find help”. I did not end up talking to him and left the store without seeing him again. I now wish I had at least tried to help him.
Later, as I was stopped at a stop light, I saw a man with a sign asking for money. This is common where I live and I normally don’t take much notice. Yet for some reason I kept thinking, “I could give him some money” and wanted to. The more I looked at him, the more I tuned into his energy and felt compassion for him. I knew he was not normally one to ask for handouts.
The light changed and my chance was lost but the feeling of compassion remained.
On my way home I saw more homeless on the other corner. I felt bad for them as well and wondered about them. I even imagined yelling out to them from across the busy road but then decided against it for fear one would put themselves in harms way. Also, their energy was more muddled than the man I saw previously and I knew they would not appreciate my help.
I did not have time to really contemplate much of anything all day, yet little tidbits of information did not wholly go unnoticed. I kept returning to my computer feeling I should write at least something of my experiences but the urge was never there. My mind was totally blank.
I decided to do some yoga and relax some and then again sat at the computer. I kept reading and re-reading the other post I wrote today as if I trying to not forget it. In the midst of reading over another one of my posts from earlier this year a thought hit me, a memory of a cognition I had earlier in the day. I thought, “I need to write about that”.
And here I am, writing and my mind is not clouded or muddled.
This morning after I got the message to leave (and I felt it urgently), I was preparing to leave the house. I felt hungry and instantly knew I needed to eat and felt led to the fridge to make myself a protein smoothie. I remember feeling consciously pushed in this direction and I did not resist.
This same nudging continued throughout the day. I called my husband out of the blue (nudge, nudge) and invited him for lunch. I told him I wanted to talk to him about what was going on with me. I remember thinking to myself, “I do?”
When we sat down, I had no idea what I wanted to say. We sat outside (which is out of character for me) and I listened to him, completely without any other thought than to hear what he had to say. When he finished I effortlessly told him what I wanted to tell him. It came out so well, without a glitch and I said something very out of character. My husband, of course, was pleased and I was speechless. When he asked me about it I told him, “I came here not knowing what I would say and then I just said all that”.
It was not that I didn’t want to say what I said. I did. What is odd here is that, normally, I have trouble hearing my husband as he talks about his work which is very boring to me. This time I was thinking of nothing but what he said. I had not one moment of anxiety caused by thinking ahead.
And I recognized that I spent the entire day – in the moment!
Later, a thought hit me out of the blue and I nearly forgot about it except that it came back to me, as if I had put all this day’s events together somehow without consciously thinking about it.
I realized that these urges I have been receiving, I have gotten over and over again while OOB. Sometimes I go with the “suggestions” and other times I don’t. What has been occurring most recently in my OBEs is that when I do not follow the suggestions I pop back into my body. I lose that which I most want – to be OOB – because I do not listen.
And that is when it hit me: Perhaps that is what has been going on my entire life. I have not been listening and have missed that which I really wanted, to be happy and at peace, because I didn’t listen.
I know it seems small to those of you who consistently listen to your Higher Self, but to me this is HUGE. I am stubborn and I do not like to feel “controlled”. I have been getting messages for as long as I can remember from my guide to “listen”. I never really understood until today.
I listened (for the most part anyway) and my day was good. Pleasant. Positive. Balanced. I was more in the moment than I have ever been. My mind was not a mess of thoughts.
So there is a positive to all this kundalini and based just upon today I can’t wait to see what other positives come of it. And I hear my guide say to me, “Imagine that every day was like today and that is what you will have tenfold”.