My mood last night was very high. This was in complete contrast to how I felt when I awoke yesterday morning, so it was very nice. I was so awake that I struggled to fall asleep. Thankfully the meditation and self-healing work I did helped calm me down.
I had one very vivid dream that I recall from an otherwise very deep night of sleep.
In the dream I had gone to lunch with my best friend from high school. She seemed very unemotional while we were talking, almost as if she were holding a grudge against me. I, on the other hand, was very upbeat and happy, talking very fast and ignoring her odd mood.
We were sitting face to face and I was telling her about how I was going to start back on my weight lifting regime. I was explaining to her how I had been lifting successfully for one year when I found out I was pregnant and had to give it up and lose everything I had worked for. I was really proud of my accomplishments, discussing with her how I planned to start again, taking it in small steps. She did not seem too interested but I ignored this.
We continued to talk about other things, but most are lost to me now. What I distinctly remember is her and I discussing abortion. This is the friend whom I discussed in depth in another post. She had an abortion during her first marriage and regretted it later. I recall that I told her, “I don’t want to discuss the subject in depth but I take neither side in it. I can understand both sides”. As we talked about it, we went outside to the back yard and there was a small patch of grass with a very tiny hole in it. It was a one hole golf course! I told her that I had it there for my daughter to play with and sometimes she fell in (the hole was in a spot of ground connected to a tunnel that gaped open) but I would pull her out. I laughed about it, as if it were no big deal. My friend, on the other hand, seemed to get more and more serious about the subject as I talked.
Feeling her disapproval I recognized something about my past self. I had always attempted to make others happy and if I found that our views differed, I allowed them to be right by supporting them and even changing my own views. So, in the past, had someone asked me about abortion I would have learned what their viewpoint was and agreed with it being very careful so as to not make them upset by revealing my own, true views.
In seeing this about myself I cheerfully told her, “I will not tell you that I am against abortion. I am neither for or against it. It all depends on the situation. I will not change my views to make you happy”. These were not my exact words. I actually was much better at articulating what I meant in the dream. Basically, I told her about my decision to be proud of who I am and not adjust my views or Self to please others.
My friend accepted this and the discussion shifted. She seemed tired still, as if life had taken everything out of her and she had little left of herself. She brightened, though, for a minute and told me, “I am another year cancer-free. I beat the cancer”.
Upon hearing this my entire being filled with love and I told her, “I knew you wouldn’t die from it. I hope you know how important you are to me”. I hugged her and filled with such intense emotion that I began to cry. I woke up crying, still feeling the love I felt for my friend.
Upon waking I recognized I had overcome a very big obstacle in recognizing my own tendency to change for others.
I woke up and was wide awake for some time. Since I knew I could sleep in more I stated, “I want to go OOB”.
I felt more comfortable on my stomach and so lay in that position and fell asleep.
I recall dreaming for a while about arriving to work early. I knew I didn’t need to be there until 10am, yet I was there at the early time before things get moving. I saw my boss and another counselor talking and saw that they were holding test materials in their hands. I thought to myself, “I can help. I wonder if they want me to help them”. As I thought this, the other counselor turned and looked at me and gave me a look like, “You can’t help with this”.
Then I became somewhat lucid and was aware that I was laying in my bed and sleeping. I witnessed two individuals in the room with me. There was a male and a female. They were in the corner of my room and preparing for a test. I remember the man was being asked questions by the woman. He was reciting back to her something that resembled ancient literature. I wish I could remember what he was saying now as it feels very important! The woman would ask him something and each time he would recite back long amounts of information back to her. This went on for some time. The longer it went on, the more interested I became in it.
As if they knew I was becoming more and more interested and aware of what they were doing, they both turned their attention to me and told me they were preparing for the “test”. The test felt to be a major one similar to what schools give to students to determine if they have learned what they are suppose to in a specific subject area. In actuality, “we” (the male figure and I) were preparing for the test. I understood this without being told. It was at this point that I told them, “I want to go OOB”.
They continued to talk and prepare for the test and my attention turned inward. I was very highly aware of myself and my energy. I was also focused upon my intent to exit my body. I analyzed my energy and remember thinking, “I can exit now” and knowing/hearing, “Not yet. Wait”. I continued to sit in the energy and felt it pulse through me and shake. I am positive now that these feelings were the vibrations many feel when they are about to exit their body. They were very muted to me though I could tell that my energy was superimposed over my physical body and it felt to be moving up and down and side to side at the same time. This recognition of the vibrational frequency was very apparent to me at the time and I felt as if a part of myself were very adept at determining the exact right time to exit. I want to also say that I felt to be of two parts and the part that knew what it was doing was very obviously being listened to. This is a HUGE win for me!
I (my Earth self) was very eager to get OOB. I (my Higher Self) remember mentally settling her, almost like reining her in like one would do to a horse ready to take off and run. I (my Earth self) was given permission to test my readiness to exit. So I kicked my feet and felt resistance. “There is no wall up against my bed!”, I thought. The movement of my astral legs out of my physical body was very distinct and I knew I could exit. With one smooth action, I rolled to my right and landed on the floor next to my bed.
The instant I hit the ground I felt very heavy and cumbersome. My eyes were open and the scene was light, not dark, but very shifty as if it were shimmering (if you watch the Lord of the Rings movies it looked like what Frodo saw when he put on the ring and was invisible). It took all my effort just to get up on my hands and knees and will myself to crawl. I instinctively knew I should not attempt to stand up. My energy was very low. I then stated, “I need more energy”. As soon as I did this it felt as if someone let go of invisible reigns and the heavy feeling lightened. I stayed on my hands and knees, though, because I sensed I still was not quite ready to stand up.
I felt as well as knew that I should focus on my breath. I also worried slightly after my last choking experience that I would not be able to breathe. I took two deep inhales and felt the breath come in and go out with ease. With each breath I felt lighter and more able to move.
I looked ahead of me intent on the door and leaving the room. I grabbed hold of the doorknob and twisted. It would not budge. I twisted again. Nothing. I had a thought, “It is locked. I won’t be able to get out”. Then a counter thought, “It will open”. I twisted the knob again and it gave way. The door opened!
I crawled out the door. As soon as I crossed the threshold I lifted up into the air and dropped my “body”. I was a ball of thought and whirled down a brightly lit hallway that had a golden hue that seemed to paint the otherwise white walls.
The hallway opened up into an unfamiliar living room. It was brightly lit and nicely furnished. The scene shimmered almost as if it were a holographic image and I took note of it. To my right was a large entertainment hutch that covered the wall. I was aware that it contained a t.v. but did not see it. My focus was upon the little girl who was standing in front of me, wide eyed. She appeared to be a toddler, about 18 months old, with short, wispy blonde hair. I thought she could be my daughter when she was little. She sure looked like her. I went toward her with a friendly smile and reached out to her saying, “Hello!” She responded by shrinking back some. She obviously did not know me. Who was she?
Unperturbed, I turned toward the entertainment system wanting to look at myself. There appeared before me a large mirror with a gold leafed frame. I got up on my tip toes to take a look at myself. I saw my face and for some reason wanted to see my body. I remember thinking, “I am naked” and then confirming I was by seeing my breasts in the mirror.
Happy with what I saw I turned to look for the little girl. She had gone to the side of the room and was looking at me. I remember speaking to her again, trying to get her to come to me. She wouldn’t move. So I began dancing and acting all silly (this always gets my kids to open up) and I heard a familiar song playing, “Let’s finish what we started” (Flaws by Bastille). I sang along and danced away happily. The little girl just watched me from the corner.
When I finished dancing I felt another presence in the room. I looked in the other corner of the room. Sitting in a recliner and looking at me was what appeared to be an older woman. Her hair was streaked with gray and cut short. I recognized her to be someone kind and safe, a caregiver to the little girl. I went over to her and she and I locked eyes. Her eyes were steely blue and intense but her communication to me through them was to come closer.
I got closer to her and we embraced. I realized that though her hair was gray, she was in fact much younger than I thought. She continued to look at me, her eyes piercing. I knew she wanted to kiss me and though I felt a bit uncomfortable I allowed her to. I showed her I was naked (I was proud of this for some reason) and she nodded approvingly. She looked me up and down as I sat in her lap (I was big but sitting in her lap like a child would). She said to me, “It looks like you are ready for next week”. I was thrown off by this statement for a moment but answered, “Yes”, a part of me recognizing this to be true but not registering what it meant. The woman pulled me close and began to suck on my left nipple. I felt embarrassed for some reason but did not withdraw because I could feel energy entering through my heart chakra. The energy shot down into my root chakra and then began to rise up into my second. It felt nice. I knew the feeling would increase if I stayed, building and exploding out of the top of my head, but I was ashamed to be allowing this woman to do what she was doing. I remember thinking, “I don’t want this”. The instant I thought it I went back to my body.
I awoke still laying on my stomach and still feeling the lingering energy in my second and third chakras. I asked my guide, “What did I do wrong?” I instantly knew I had tried to take control, go against what my Higher Self wanted. Had I stayed I would have allowed my energy to ground and expand. That was what was needed. But I was afraid of how it might look to others, specifically those who would read my blog.
I wondered upon waking what the message about next week was about. Then I remembered next week, next Friday, is the 12th. I was pleased that the woman, whoever she was, said that I was ready. I hope so.
It is interesting to me that I was able to recognize two distinct parts of myself during this OBE. I appear to be more in communication with myself than in the past and recognized that this part of me knew more than I did. I actually deferred to “him” rather than fighting against him. I listened.
Factors Influencing Projection
Lucidity scale: 8
Intent stated?: Yes
Time to bed: 10:00pm
Time to wake: 6:00am, 7:40am
Physical Exercise?: Yes
Body: headache, stuffy nose
Number of wakings: 2
Sleeping position: stomach
Supplements: Multivitamin, 400mg vitamin E, 1000mg Biotin, 1000mg Evening Primrose Oil, Natural Calm, Sleepy Time Extra Tea, Benadryl 25mg, Calcium 500mg, Vitamin D 1000mg, Vitex 150mg, DonQuai 150mg