I have resisted writing any further about my experiences the other day. First off, I have been sick, especially at night and in the morning. I don’t know if it is a virus or allergies or a combination of both but it is making me miserable. My head has been hurting on and off for a few weeks now. It is not unbearable like a migraine, just irritating. So add the headache with the sore, constricted throat and stuffed up nose and you have a very grumpy mamma. Second, I have felt completely brain numb. That is the only way to describe it. I have difficulty processing information that is coming in (subconscious) but I know it is coming or has come in. This results in feeling numb in the mind while also feeling extremely stupid. I feel much like a 9-year-old child who has been sitting in a college Physics classroom. Total overload! Finally, yesterday I suffered some major sadness. It hit me like a wall and all day I kept thinking, “I am sad. I want to cry but I can’t”. I felt empty of emotion but I knew the emotion was there. I even said to my guide, “I need to cry but I can’t”. But I got very little response other than, “It is okay”. Thankfully today, after having the muck of this head cold wear off, I got outside with my children as much as I could and now I am feeling normal. Well, normal except for this darn headache!
If I had written something the last couple of days I am not sure it would have made sense. In fact, I don’t know if what I am about to write will make much sense but if I don’t write something down and get my thoughts out I think I will fall back into that “sad-but-can’t-cry” mood. I really, really don’t like that mood.
Something that will likely make sense to you all and has finally begun to make sense to me is a message I received via a song yesterday. Actually, it started the night before and followed me all day. The song is the the one I embedded with this post – Take Me to Church by Hozier.
At first I thought the message was that I needed to go to church, but when I searched for a spiritualist church or one similar in my area I got the same off vibes I got when I searched for one years back. Then I saw the name of someone associated with one of the churches and knew it was not a good place for me. From the way the search left me feeling, I knew I would run into people with major ego issues who would treat me suspiciously and try to make me feel unworthy or not good enough. It is not that I cannot handle such people but that I refuse to work with people like that. I choose to find like minded individuals who will not prejudge me or ask me to live up to their expectations of who I am or should be.
It is just today that I thought again about the song and realized that it was not the chorus that I was hearing over and over in my mind. It was the Amen. Over and over. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Being raised a Christian one would think that I would know what the word amen means. But really, I had to look it up. The only thing I knew about it was that it was said at the end of a prayer. In Christ’s name we pray, Amen.
Amen – it is so; so be it.
I listened to the song again. When I heard the Amen section I was overcome with emotion and psychic chills. Energy surged up through my heart and throat chakras.
And with this came an understanding that something profound has happened to me. I am different. And perhaps I do not understand all of what occurred but the feeling, and now the understanding, of Amen fills me with such amazing emotion that I know that a decision has been made, that I have made a decision and it is coming into being.
As for the wonderful (not) headaches I have been dealing with, I was warned of them a while back. I thought it would be migraines, and maybe it will come to that (hope not), but so far it has just been a nagging, constant ebb and flow of head pain. The pain is not always in the same area. Sometimes it is at the top of my head, other times on one side. These are not sinus headaches, which I commonly get when I have a cold, though the headache intensity now that I do have a cold is much worse than it was prior and the pain is going behind my eyes more.
I am certain now that these headaches are caused by changes in my energy, specifically related to my third-eye, crown and 8th chakras. I became certain of this in a self-healing session I did with a group last weekend. I came to the class with a headache. When I began to focus on my third-eye chakra not only did my voice break when I was Om’ing but my head began to hurt. Once I stopped focusing on the third-eye my head pain lessened but was still there. That is when the realization hit me: my third-eye was blocked and it was causing me to have headaches. Now that I have been focusing more on self-healing, I sense the same intensifying of headache pain when I work on the crown chakra and extend energy up through the 8th and 9th chakras.
The numb mind feeling is still there but less so. I have found that the more I get outside in the sunshine and move around – walk, exercise, jump on the trampoline – the better I feel. It is grounding to me and I need that right now. I also find that the more I focus on my family and my normal daily activities, the less noticeable the headache pain is and the less irritating the mind numbness is. It is only when I am alone that I feel unsettled.That is when I get a feeling that I need to meditate and do yoga. So I do and when I Om I feel……better…..more solid….more stable.
I also swear I can see my energy flow increasing and circulating every time I do yoga. I can see how sluggish it is at the start and how the more yoga I do the more fluid my energy becomes. Part of me wants to chock it all up to my “imagination” but I know that is a lie. Besides, I can feel the change in my energy, too. If I could draw what I see it would be a blue, purple and indigo wave of energy ribbons sparked with white and hot pink. I wish, oh wish, I could see that in one of my OOB visions! Or better, I wish I were artistic enough to paint it.
I actually laughed at myself the other day while Om’ing because it is so unlike me! Yet something about the vibration of it is helping.
I know I will continue to get spiritual nudges to do yoga and meditate, especially before bed. I will continue to listen to them.