Stay With Me

Last night and this morning was very eventful. I did not see it coming either. I have been experiencing such calm and balance that I assumed I would have blissful, uneventful sleep.

Dead Baby

I awoke at 4am sharp in tears. The dream is not all very clear to me now except for the end, so I will recount it and hope it starts to make sense at some level.

I was very aware of being part of a trio of people. I was one of two women. We had been living together alone for some time, me, my lover and her son. My lover’s husband had been deployed and gone for a long time. She did not think she would ever see him again.

Then one day, to our surprise, my lover’s husband returned. When he arrived he was surprised to find his wife with a roommate who he later discovered was his substitute. Interestingly, he was not upset and just joined us, joking we were his “two wives”.

It took a while for him to accept me, but he eventually did. He began to sleep in the same bed as us and even attempted to touch me and cuddle with me. I recall worrying about him and sensing he was not really sure about all of us being together. Three’s a crowd, you know.

I remember talking to the husband and telling him I that I will not blame him if he leaves, but he refuses to admit he is uncomfortable with the situation. We all get to know each other after that and I show them my ability: I can fly. I hover over the ground and show them how I do it. I point to my chest/heart area and explain it is all in the “heart”. I am able to hover about and they are extremely interesting in watching, but I do not recall them ever doing it themselves.

We somehow end up at a water park and they ask me to show them and others my ability. We are at this huge waterfall/slide. It is at least a half mile wide and this sparkling, aqua-clear blue. I hover over the water for a time but when I fly over the edge the water takes me down with it and at the end I am wet but unharmed.

The time shifts and I feel as if years had passed. The husband is showing signs of discomfort at his situation. His son, who I later found out was not his real son but step-son, is taking much of our and his time. I remember him saying, “I cannot take this anymore. I did not sign up for this”. At the time I am pregnant with his child.

Fast forward again and the baby is about to be born, but I am now an observer. As the baby is born and laid out, it is discovered that he has something in his brain. The doctor finds a hemangeoma but it is located in the neck and says the baby will be fine. The husband and woman are relieved. I now enter the scene and tell the husband it is okay for him to feel overwhelmed, that I understand if he wants to leave. We hug. When we hug, one of us hits the bed the baby is on and he falls to the floor. When he falls, he hits his head and instantly dies. His head is flattened in the dream and very disfigured. I feel awful and say, “It’s my fault” and watch as the mother picks him up and cries. I then see the ultrasound photos of him and begin to cry. I wake up in tears.

Stay With Me

I ran to check on my son because of the disturbing dream but he was fine and breathing normally. I have been worried about him suffocating in his sleep for a while now because he keeps getting colds, so any dream that suggests he may be in danger causes me to worry.

I went back to bed and tossed and turned for some time. My guide was close and I kept hearing the song “Stay With Me”, by Sam Smith. It is not a song I particularly like but it seems songs are one of the main ways my guides communicate with me and the song keeps coming until I hear the message.

My gut reaction to this song and the dream is that I am struggling to move forward with what has been going on with me both consciously and subconsciously.

Consciously, my guide has been asking me to decide what I want so that I can move forward. Oddly, I am unable to decide what I want to do with my life other than recognizing I want to feel peace and calm. Subconsciously, I am told I am shifting awareness and that it is creating an internal struggle. I am told this is normal and part of the process and to be patient with myself for my Ego is not easily swayed.

The dream symbols here are quite obvious to me. A baby is a new idea or path/direction. In this dream the baby is found to have a growth which suggests there may be a flaw in this path, but not one that will cause significant problems. However, the baby dies and I admit it is my fault. This suggests that I am taking responsibility for a new goal/path not coming to fruition. Perhaps I am also considering dropping this path altogether?

The waterfall is significant of emotion and since it is clear it is not muddled emotion, but clear, recognizable and confrontable emotion. The water fall is vast, suggesting there is much emotion to clear and that it may result of a drastic shift for me, as per the waterfall part. I attempt to fly above the water, avoiding it, but am swept up in it suggesting I cannot avoid this shift.

The discussion with the man in the dream seems to be a discussion I am having with myself about the feelings of overwhelm I have been having associated with my role in the family. I tell him it is okay to feel the way he feels and that I will understand if he chooses to leave. Perhaps I am accepting this part of myself? It sure felt that way considering the emotional effect it had on me both in the dream and upon waking.

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