This morning, after waking from a dreamless sleep, I wanted desperately to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned for a while, telling my guides that I wanted to sleep more and really would like to go OOB. I got the feeling that going OOB would not happen, though, and it irritated me. I tried to reason with them, explaining that I needed a break from the everyday struggles and responsibilities of life. Ultimately, though, I knew that my requests were unlikely to be granted.
As I lay in between states, there suddenly appeared in front of my eyes a vivid image of my front yard. Standing in the driveway was a very large, brown horse. He was plain brown without any other colors or marks on him. He was beautiful standing there and very majestic. When I saw him I startled awake but the image stayed with me like a beloved photo.
I knew instantly that this was a message from my guide. I had seen a similar horse alongside a zebra in one of my recent OBEs. The horse in that experience was much smaller, though. The horse standing in my front yard was very majestic, standing proudly with a look in his eyes that said, “Come with me”.
When I was a small girl I loved horses. I use to draw them alongside their human companions. Usually I had mother horses with baby horses or mustangs running wild in the desert. I was also in love with My Little Pony and would play ponies with my older sister, imagining different scenarios or dressing them up in their pony attire. Just last weekend, in fact, my sister and I reminisced about our My Little Pony days as we sorted through boxes of the 50 or so ponies we had collected and then saved from childhood.
Now that I think of it, it is very likely that the horse is one of my animal totems. I long ago lost my love for horses and so have not really considered the horse as one of my totems but it could be that he was not needed during these times in my life. But now that he has returned I suspect he wants me to listen. The look in his eyes suggest that he is waiting for me to jump on his back and let him take me away and show me something, something new, alive and full of energy.
If you observe the horse, you will find that he has a wild and free energy all his own. In fact, as a totem, the horse represents life energy, physical strength, vitality, and one’s psychological or emotional ability to persevere in life. The horse represents one’s energy or drive to express and succeed through the authentic self. He can also be a reflection of how well one deals with primitive desires and urges. The horse also represents ones sexual drive and sexuality and how they view this in their life. If one dreams they are riding a horse this can symbolizes one’s drive towards sexuality. Finally, the horse represents freedom of expression; it relates to your ability to express yourself freely and assertively in inner and outer social environments and circles.
Horse’s Message to Me
After seeing the vivid image of horse standing and waiting for me in my front yard, I fell back to sleep. When I awoke I was very reluctant to get out of bed and sluggish from sleep. I felt as if I could sleep forever! Yet, I knew I had to get up and return to life as usual and this, overall, did not appeal to me.
Yet my mind continues to return to that image of horse. His eyes said so much in their stare. “Come with me” and “What are you waiting for” and even, “I dare you!” There was something in his gaze that made me hesitate; something that made me nervous. Was he dangerous? Was he friendly? Would he kick or bite me? I know that if I had been there in front of him physically that I would back off because of his large size and intimidating stance. And that makes me wonder, What is it about life that scares me? What is it that I am afraid of?
Perhaps he is symbolic of a desire to return to the way I felt about life when I was a child? I truly enjoyed life back then. I had a spirit of adventure and rarely spent time inside if I could help it. I had a vivid imagination and a strong connection to nature.
Or perhaps horse is trying to just get me to participate in life again. I admit, I have been struggling to accept and enjoy the way my life has turned out. There seems nothing of interest left; no adventure. I have done it all before a thousand times it seems and have nothing left but more of the same to look forward to. At least that is how it appears to me on most days. I just push the thoughts aside and continue on with life, but the empty feeling doesn’t ever go away. I cannot help but be overwhelmed with the things I have to do every day and it seems there is no room left for fun anymore.
I do want to accept horse’s invitation, but I don’t know how.