This morning my sleep was interrupted at 4am by a very upset baby boy. I spent an hour calming him down and did not expect to be able to sleep afterward. I had already had 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep but I did consider that if I fell asleep I would likely get to astral.
I found myself in a semi-lucid dream. I was in a classroom with other students, but I was not a student. I was not a teacher, either. I was just an observer. It was a small classroom and the students were in math class. Strangely they were reading books that were very thick with brightly colored pictures on them. They were reading aloud and the words rhymed in some places and in others they appeared to be puzzles. I looked at the page they were on because the teacher expected me to read but I could not locate it. As I was looking over the shoulder of a pretty black girl with long, braids down her back, I saw the word “Roosevelt” but it was mixed with pictures of the statue of liberty and other symbols. I laughed when I saw it because I knew the word despite the pictures.
I left the classroom for a moment because my eyes were very heavy with sleep and I needed to wake up. When I returned the students were all having lunch but no one was in the room to supervise them. They were laughing and horsing around. I went over to where I was sitting and noticed a dark object smashed on the floor. I rushed over to it because it looked familiar. Sure enough, it was my kindle and it had been smashed. I asked who did it and no one came forward. I looked at each of them and went to this one black kid and grabbed him. I opened up his mouth and looked inside saying, “You did it, didn’t you?” He was trying to say no as I looked at his top row of teeth and saw two missing. I said, “I knew it!” as if the teeth were proof.
Some people came in and grabbed him, dragging him away. He was protesting and angry, yelling at me. I remember thinking, “Maybe he didn’t do it?” and feeling worried I had been wrong.
Something about the dream sparked memories of my present life and I became very lucid. I recalled my past, when I had similar encounters with young boys and girls like the ones in my dream. Each time I had been conflicted. I knew they were hurting, though not from me specifically, but from life, and a part of me wanted to grab hold of them and hug them all. Yet it was my job to make them accountable and I knew they must learn their lessons the hard way and my softening the consequences or giving them none at all would only prolong their lessons.
In the same instant that I became lucid and had these memories, I felt my body become very stiff and rigid. I also felt the familiar buzzing all over my body and a feeling of being in two places – in my body and out of my body. At the same time I instantly knew I was transitioning out of body and my heart began to pound in anticipation. I struggled to slow down my heart rate and calm down because I knew that it would keep me from leaving my body.
I distinctly felt every part of my body. It is like the buzzing energy made it that much more obvious that I had a body. My face, my back, my arms folded up around a pillow – all of it was very solid feeling. But there was an odd, alien feeling to it as well. It was as if I was not suppose to be there; it was very obvious my body was not me.
All these thoughts and feelings happened in an instant. As soon as I felt as if my body were a foreign object, I rolled out of it and onto the floor next to my bed. But I did not fall on the floor or go through it, which has happened to me in the past. Instead I instantly shot up and hovered in the room for an instant as I got my bearings. I knew I was OOB and could feel the momentum of my astral body as it spun and shifted hovering next to the bed. The sensations were intense and real and I knew I was more aware than I had been in a long time.
But I could not see and I wanted to. I was still able to sense my physical body strongly and felt it pulling me towards it. I felt the heaviness of the pillow up against my left eye and cheek. I kept wanting to rub my physical eyes and had an intense desire to open them. Knowing if I hovered there much longer that I would not be able to resist the pull of my physical body, I flew towards the door and down the stairs. My astral body tumbled and rolled around and around in circles as I flew. I felt like a big ball of energy tumbling forward. I remembered this feeling from my earliest astral travels and recognized that I was being reminded of this for a reason.
As I began rolling and tumbling down the stairs my vision began to flash in and out. I again knew why without knowing how I knew it. I was still to aware of my physical body and there was a slight feeling of anxiety mixed with anticipation that came with that. This caused my astral sight to fade out each time I “touched” my physical body with my mind.
I had to get out of the house. Surely that would get me far enough away from my physical body to allow me to focus on this body?
As I reached the front door I saw it clearly before my eyes. It shown like a white portal to another land and I was excited at the prospect of going through it.
I went through, expecting to feel the fibers of the door and become one with it for an instant as I went through it. But that didn’t happen. Instead my vision came on strong and clear and I was in a totally different house. In front of me was the living area, brightly lit with wood floors. Beyond that was the kitchen. I flew into the kitchen and looked at the layout. To my right was the dining area and cabinets surrounding the main kitchen. I saw the bar that opened up into the living room and recognized the white supports that held up the upper cabinets. To the left was another open area and I could see personal items tacked to a cork board. I knew this place. But from where? I couldn’t remember.
I went up to the cork board to get a closer look. Perhaps I could find something written there that could tell me whose house I was in? I saw letters but when I read them the meaning was lost to me. It was like the moment I read what was written the words became jumbled and unintelligible. I saw what looked like a little girl’s birthday party invitation. It had pink and silver and gold stars that came out in a star burst above some pink lettering. I gave up reading anymore, though, because I was getting nowhere.
I instinctively knew that the hallway behind the kitchen led to bedrooms, so I followed it and went into the first bedroom on the right. I was looking for someone but I didn’t know who.
I saw the bed and no one was in it. Where were they? Then I looked to my right and curled up on a sofa on one side of the room with a blanket over them was a body. I knew it was a woman. I saw a flash of her face in my mind. She had short, reddish blond hair and a round face. She appeared to be in her mid-40’s. I flew towards the woman’s sleeping body with my arm outstretched and put my hand right into the bundle that was her body. My hand went inside of her to where her heart should have been, but I felt no resistance. I honestly have no idea why I put my hand inside of her. Some part of me, however, felt I was intruding and doing something “wrong” and anticipated the woman’s response. I felt as if I were playing a joke on her.
The woman’s astral body came flying up and out of her body in a panic. She flew out the room so quickly that it surprised me and I turned to try and catch her. It must have shocked me as well because I went back to my own body. Before I knew it, I again felt my body, rigid and stiff and buzzing with energy. I tried to get out of my body again but felt pinned inside it, my arms and legs heavy and cumbersome. My mind raced. I want back out but I have to get up soon. I want to get out but I have to get my daughter ready for school.
Then I saw this bird fly out in front of my astral eyes. A large raven. I watched it fly up and away from me and down the stairs. I followed, feeling again the tumbling of my astral body, but my physical body weighed me down, pulling me back to it. It felt as if I were dragging my physical body behind me. I tried to focus on the bird and watched it fly in circles at the top of the stairwell. As I watched it, my vision began to strobe – black/white to color, black/white to color. When I saw in color, the bird was a vibrant blue.
I struggled to stay OOB, hovering in the stair way watching the blue bird flying around. It beckoned to me to follow it. But I couldn’t. I had to wake up. It was time to wake up.
Finally, I gave in. It was time to wake up. I opened my physical eyes and checked the time. 6:09am. Time to get up.
Who is Ray?
But I didn’t want to get up yet. I still had time. So I lingered in bed for a bit, dozing. As I did, I saw an image of what appeared to be a large bowl or disc. It was so large a person could fit inside of it. Then I saw a man’s face in front of the disc and the hint of a blue color around it. The man had dark brown hair and brown eyes with pale skin and appeared to be in his early to mid-thirties. I did not know who he was but I said to my guide, “That’s Ray”. He said, “Yes. Did you know he committed suicide?” “No!”, I said. “He killed himself?”, I asked. “Yes”, was the reply. “Too bad”, I said. It was as if some part of me knew who this man was.
Wondering about the man in the vision I saw I thought perhaps the message was that this man had killed himself in a past life. It felt right and I let it be. Besides, I had no Earthly idea who this man was.
Before going to bed last night I spoke with my guide briefly. I didn’t say much but what I did say was in reference to the “discrepancy plan” that came up in yesterday’s blog post. I thought about how difficult it has been to be living this life in between two worlds. My guide agreed with me and told me it was done by finding balance. I knew this to be true. I told him, “If I could do something for me it would be alright”. After thinking for a bit I thought that if I got to astral travel more that it could help with that balance. I questioned my guide about it and he said, “You’re right”, which surprised me. I thought astral would cause more problems but it seems that perhaps it has been decided that it might do more good than harm. I then thought it may be good to use astral to help me with life, like I have seen so many others say it has. I then set the intention that if I did get to astral more that I want more awareness while OOB. I want to feel more, hear more, experience more and experience it more fully.
After the conversation last night, it is not really surprising that I got to leave my body this morning. I felt very connected to my guide throughout, though he was not visible, which is common. I also seemed to know that what was going on was a reintroduction to some of the basics that I had been taught years ago. My awareness was heightened and the movement of my astral body very noticeable when in the past it has been less so. I also felt my physical body and my astral body as two very different things. My physical body felt foreign and very much like the vehicle that it is. I do not remember feeling such a distinction in the past.
I am intrigued by the appearance of the raven in my dream. This bird has powerful symbolic meaning. It is truly a bird of death and rebirth, transformation and intuition. He is a guide, showing one their true and correct path. The blue color symbolizes communication and psychic awareness. In my OBE the raven was encouraging me to follow him. I now wish I had.